He taped her in the shower.
In the midst of the million other things I had to get done, some how I managed to have a four hour (no exaggeration) conversation with a certain aunty jee (“AJ”). AJ and I were discussing a recent event in our community that shocked, perturbed and disgusted me. Of course the community did not have quite the reaction I was expecting anyone with half a brain or even half a conscience to have.
A certain college student had just arrived to our town from the Motherland (here on out DF = dear fob). He was put up in his aunt’s home where her teenage cousin also resided. We had always known DF to be a little sketchy. Porn was always coming out of his drawers, something about him just rubbed us the wrong way. He was the kind of guy you would cringe while hugging, and could never make comfortable eye contact with.
A few months after peaceful coexistence in his aunt’s house, we felt that DF was coming around. Had we misjudged him? Perhaps piles of porno are normal for teenage pakistani Lahori school boys? We were opening up to him, letting him into our lives, and I was slapping myself for being so damn judgmental and wrong about another individual.
Until we found he had ordered spy cameras. With porno, piles of clothing and cigarette butts these receipts turned up. We looked further to find the cameras installed on his computer, with a straight on view into the bathtub of the basement guest bathroom of his aunt’s house – where his 21 year old cousin, Sania, showered everyday.
Sania cried when she found out, she screamed, some dishes were broken. But in front of the elders of the family there was a surprising silencing. They looked the other way. He was sent back to the motherland for the summer, where he was promptly engaged to an innocent girl of good khandaan. “A good wife will “fix” him.” “Achee ladki sab theek karleygi.” Sania’s parents did not want to cause a “rift” in the family – so they forgave him. “Forgave.”
And they said…
“His parents will handle him.”
“His dad has done so much for us.”
“I can’t tear my family apart because of this, beta.”
“What other house can I stay at in Pakistan?”
“Just get over it. The larger person forgives.”
AJ was so overcome with warmth and happiness about these said events. She was giving me examples of how beautiful this family and their forgiveness was.
But what is forgiveness, when it is denial meant to keep your family together? If you forgive a rapist you do not know, who has no connection for you, perhaps you have exercised an impossible virtue. But forgiveness to shut a family up, to put dirt under the rug, is no forgiveness – it is stupidity. Stupidity when we let sexual criminals run about, going as far as setting them up with other’s daughters. And when we speak up, we are told to quiet down. When we don’t, we are the family’s trouble makers. We are blamed for tearing relationships apart.
But perhaps some relationships SHOULD be torn apart. Perhaps when we shake things up a bit will these sexual criminals learn that their actions will have consequences other than quick marriages, soft reprimands, or a new, separate apartment.
And today I saw DF. I said salaam with a quick glance. AJ commented on what a sweet boy he was. And I, too, was silent.
GROSS! And his poor fiance! Someone should speak up for her sake, so she knows what kind of man she’s engaged to. Sadly, the reactions are all TOO typical. I would hope that if this were to happen in my family (GOD FORBID), my dad and uncles would beat the shit out of him. And then give him a thorough talking to about respect for women. But not before beating the shit out of him. UGH. Now I’m pissed.
I know, I totally agree with you. But do you think I should say something, as someone entirely disconnected? And to who? Its such an awful situation. And I feel just as bad as the people involved by remaining silent while knowing all the facts.
I’m not sure you can say anything, since you’re so disconnected. But you should certainly warn any girl in your community from coming within a 10 foot radius of the creep. And speak your mind to AJ so the adults realize this is NOT acceptable. I just told this story to my husband and he said if he was that girl’s father he would kick this boy’s teeth in. I believe that’s the appropriate response, but unfortunately that’s not something you can do.
Fuking Bastard – If he does to my sister, mother, daughter or wife – will hand him to police and make sure he get jailed and not get deported….
My advise to Sania – leave those parents who can’t protect you in this land of law!
Disgusting. I agree some ties should be cut forever!
Its so interesting to see such strong reactions, the girls father did not do ANYTHING as he did not want to put any taint in his relationship with his brother-in-law.
My reactions too were violent and disgusted for a long time. Interestingly, she herself (the victim) does not want anything else to be done about it, and now treats her cousin (DF) especially kindly. I don’t know what motivates her to behave that way!
Otherwise she will be turned against. She has to play along, or she loses everything!
I would have sent him to prison if possible. I am NOT someone who will ignore something like this just so ‘the family’ can be together. Why do people do that? You want to be ‘together’ with this pervert?
GROSS